Happy Holy Daze & Merry Christmas & Fa La La La & All That Cheesy Cheery Stuff!

Greetings from our family to yours dear blog readers! That's us above if you've not forgotten us by now.

2012 has been an amazing year full of blessings: scandal, juicy gossip, delicious drama, mega moves, and lots of promising offers. If we survive the coming 'expiration' date of Dec. 21st , you'll likely see more of me & us on the net & film. 

I'm grateful for your following & re-tweeting on Twitter, liking my Facebook page, following on Tumblr, and getting my bizarre humor on YouTube. Those that 'get' my brand of "So Bad It's Good" on YouTube are a rare breed, a kindred spirit!

And maybe, just maybe, in 2013 I'll be able to move up the ladder from Grade Z to Grade A....it won't be an overnight success, that's for sure, but I'm gonna wallow in my success when it finally happens. Please tag along for the rags to riches story of my life.

Love,

Biker Blond

And Mookie and the muppet tribe too!

 

 

 

Scandal In Da House

So if you were wondering why I've been laying low, it's because I knew these photos on the cover of Muppet Madness were going to be hitting the stands in September....

Those telephoto lens are truly amazing! 

And the pictures don't truly represent what was happening at all!

It looks as if my dear friend Kermit has his hand in my top and nuzzling my neck, but this was far from the truth.

Just ask Kristin Stewart how photos are often misleading!

You should have seen that diva Miss Piggy beating the green out of poor Kermit...he will never be quite the same, of that I'm sure.

We tried to make it up to everyone, including my man Mooki. Actually, he was pretty cool about it as he knows he has my heart, and I would never fool around with Kermit.  

But for the rest of the crew....well, they're partying like animals and back to the OLD normal. 



 

I've Seen The End Of The World

I've seen the End Of The World, and it's name is "Ted".

I give up. Since this movie tops the Box Office, then the end of the world is just around the corner. For Real.


Mooki & I gasped that such a vulgar, rude, crass, raunchy, non-funny movie made it to the top. We sense the writer/creator Seth MacFarlane had so much inner crap he no choice but to dump it, and thus this movie! Our eyes are still hurting from the images.


To make matters worse he mixed in sappy romantic comedy. Ugh!

How did Seth get to this high and low level all at the same time? Simple--he followed a big trend.


Here's the skinny my friends: back in the good old days of movies (a long, long, long time ago), there was such a thing called boundaries. But then came along the popular 'gross-out' movies-- these included horror movies as well as comedies. To be funny it was imagined, one had to push harder & break the offensive barrier.


Limits were tested. Boundaries were stretched. How much gross-out would the public become used to? How far could creators go? Would people actually pay for crap?


And the answer was YES!


Sadly, Ted pushed the boundary further down this offensive, gross-out track. This movie is a gimmick which should have ended up in the round filing cabinet.


I'm now a prepper, because I see what the future holds. 


Thanks Seth for the wake-up call.


















 

On Hats & History

So I'm wasting a perfectly lovely Sunday afternoon with Mooki doing what I absolutely cherish doing: putzing around. (This translates to doing this 'n that and not much else.)

As I was putzing, I came across an old photo of Queen Elizabeth in a hat which truly resembles a place mat. I swear. 

And here's the proof: Queen Elizabeth hat.
 
 So if perchance you read my last post about the Jubilee and my place mat hat, then you'll get me! We Royals love to be Frugal. Thrifty. Unique. Creative. Eccentric.


 It's in our blue blood. Muppets All!

Jubileed-Out

So I was forced to attend the Jubilee with all the royals, quasi-royals, wannabe royals, pesky royals, punk royals and lots of other a$$ kissing un royals. 


My hat was carefully placed on my head a la Kate.

I re-used it from my recent showing at the Kentucky Derby because I'm into green recycling. It worked good enough being that it was a cast-off place mat sourced from the Salvation Army. Like I said: GREEN! No shame.


Come into my world. I've got to show you how much fun it is being green & discovering beauty in the commonplace. Screw royals.


By the end of the Diamond Jubilee Concert & two days of waving to fans & foes, I was ready to jet back into the good old usa.

My hat/head had slipped mixing with all those royals and imbibing something with bubbles....something like champagne, but different.
It was when I was backstage with Madness before they performed My House. After that, who knows?!

It's not just beauties that get to be cover girls.

I've been selected to be a cover girl too! Yay!

Below are two I like from the upcoming coveted cover of Punk Patriots Anonymous or PPA for short. Apparently, the founders like to keep themselves somewhat anonymous (ninja style) even though they have a magazine. Go figure!

Yes, but where do you find the magazine? Beats me!

Anyways, I'm very proud to be selected for this cover! Last year it was the very cool dude Kalu Rinpoche. 

It's uncertain which of the many photos from the photo shoot they're going to use for the cover in July. 

Why me you ask? 

My best guess is I fit the profile: I'm a patriotic punk, and really only known in certain circles.  

Let me know which one is your favorite?

Dear Mr. Seacrest

Dear Mr. Seacrest,

Since you are a powerhouse producer of reality television shows, I'd like to suggest a new series featuring my family & me. I feel we'd make entertaining reality tv for children of all ages.

Although we're a relatively obscure bunch of weirdos, our family would bring something fresh, juicy and surreal to the current selection of reality tv offerings. 

If you're looking for what's "new, next and noteworthy in entertainment", we're you're perfect mob of misfits.

Our explosive revelations and raw comedy will redefine reality television. Help us move reality tv to new depths, heights, widths and parallel dimensions.

Thank you for your consideration. 

Best Bumps,


Biker Blond

P.S. We'll contact you via dreams just in case you miss this.









 





 

What a spectacular vacation! It was just what I needed to restore my juice! Let me share a few of the highlights:


1. I wrestled a croc, but this totally adorable croc *sadly* decided it was no match for me and swam away. It's a lot of fun wrestling a croc in mud. Who knew?! The secret is to whisper a very sacred word known only to initiates of the Great Pyramid. Somehow crocs remember this sacred word through their genetics and they become disoriented. I learned this in a book handed down to me from my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great Grandma.
 
2. Mooki & I swam a gadzillion miles a day through brilliant, clear, turquoise Bahamian waters & splashed around with the dolphins. And in the process this fashionista *yours truly* decided turquoise is too fabulous for words and now I only want to wear turquoise EVERYTHING--except for my classic black motorcycle jacket. I'd like to eat & breathe & drink turquoise if such was possible.


3. Mooki & I had so much fun playing practical jokes on people. One joke we played was with our fart book,  "Farts Around The World". 

In this book we read, "Indeed flatulence is one of the great universal languages."

This gave Mooki & me an idea. We would press one of the buttons in this book (ten of them to be exact) which provide loud, expressive farts as we hid under dinner tables. Our favorite ones were "The Pressure Drop" and "The Cloud Splitter". 

Of course, everyone looked at their dinner companions assuming it was one of them letting out a stinker, and then the awkward laughter would begin. I'm telling you, we lightened up a lot of boring dinner tables and brought people together in laugh-fueled camaraderie! They'll never forget that vacation! And neither will we--we laughed more than the price of 10 books! We left for home thinking we were some sort of gods.


And what did YOU do on Spring Break?

Color Me Springtime

Springtime is the season when I grow restless!

Like the seasonal plants I wish to bloom & grow new colors and flowers. My winter face looks too blue and ashen. Ya know?!

I wish to paint the town and colorize my world.

The old seems boring & lame. The new beckons.

Yes, I've had a bad, bad case of SPRING FEVER!!!!!!!

BUT WHAT TO DO?!

At least I know what I absolutely don't wish to do:

1. Get drunk & hurl
2. Meet a new dude
3.  Post on this blog :-0


AND YOU??? What is your ideal Spring Break?








 

 

Going Tribal

Friends & fans: sharing a snap from my latest Fame & Fortune magazine shoot. This editorial is called "Going Tribal" so they decked me out in all sorts of tribal gear I'm guessing. 

Don't I look fierce?! 

On another note, I'm so shaken up by the latest award gifted to me (see comment in earlier post) I don't know what to do but float around the room on champagne bubbles. 

OMG! Now I have to think of others to share this most awesome of awards. But who???

Suggestions Please!





 

 

My Motivational Poster

Friends & Fans: I decided to make my very own motivational poster to express my philosophy of life.

Whaddya think?

And yes, I purposely chose this photo of me to let others know I 'own' my big yellow nose and love & accept it and myself.

Feedback please!

I Spy

Friends: I have something SRS to share with you today. This humble spoofing muppet--yours truly--is being censored by B.B.

Yes, hard to believe but tis true! Here's what happened:

Twice I uploaded a congrats to M. Piggy & the Fashion Police about M. Piggy's appearance on the show on FB. Twice it was taken off by SOMEONE. Was it political pressure put on FB by the muppet gang? Was it tweaking by the FP crew? Who did it and why?

Thus, I've decided ZERO to write about any of my muppet compadres anymore!  No more pr or press or publicity for them!
Now it will all about ME and Mine!

In this regard, I'm sharing the gift (photo above) I was given by my adoring fans on my last trip.  Isn't it cute? I love it!

And I'm also posting this on my FB page. If it disappears from there once again, you & I will both KNOW!

Fancy Is As Fancy Does

As most of my faithful readers know, I'm a fashionista, and like my mentor Lady Gaga, I love to design & wear fabulous outfits & especially hats! 

Since I'm a small muppet, my designs have to be even more clever and intricate. This is why I'm thrilled to model this gorgeous pink lantern with tassels which my stylists fashioned into a hat for me to go with my fancy turquoise silk dress.

Us fashionistas will try almost anything to make a statement!

Speaking of FANCY, I've begun my very own "Fancy" account to demonstrate my love of the finer things in life. Check it out.

Have you worn or done anything 'fanciful' lately?

 

For The Love Of Fashion

Many of you may not know that I'm a fashionista of sorts.

You always see me in my stand-by biker chic look, so I wanted to show you one of my new outfits (modeled by me above) I picked up on my recent travels.

The retro Indochine look is lots of fun to wear, and the red & gold detailing will help bring me even more abundance according to feng shui principles. I'll let you know if I suddenly come into a windfall! Of course, I may have to fall into the wind to catch it.  *lame joke due to jetlag. Please forgive.*

Wait til you see some of my other new outfits! I'll be modeling them along with tales from the road in forthcoming posts.

Here's one of my rules when it comes to clothes. For every new thing I buy, I give away something in my closet. "Wisdom is letting go of something every day" a Zen proverb says. 

How do YOU feel about cleaning out your closet and keeping your life in balance?

 

 

Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time I used to be kinda a big deal. 

Even house cats watched me. Alas, those days are long gone, and now I travel around and perform wherever I find a gig.


Some 'gigs' are on the horizon, and beginning in February, I will once again be on the move and doing my thing.

What do you think I do on my gigs? Here are some choices I've selected for you. Leave your answers and comments below.

1. I'm a manager/companion of a legendary rock star and travel around with this star picking up the pieces & destroying the evidence amongst other p.r. duties.


2. I'm a voice-over professional and appear as I'm booked.


3. I'm a muppet stripper and appear in muppet attire on tour.


4. All of the above.


Don't hesitate to share your thoughts in the comments. 


Or perhaps you have a better occupation for me? (Grins)

Up Up And Away

If anyone has been looking for me, the best place to look would have been the astral, the sky, the ozone, the far-away place.

Why? 

The flu bug got me good or bad, depending upon how you look at it.

The good part was I didn't care much about superficial, silly things. 

The bad part was I didn't care about superficial, silly things even though I was sick. Sigh! In other words, I dropped some balls, and one of those balls was this blog! Oh well...'should have', 'would have', 'could have' are some of the things one throws out the window when you've got the flu.

The flu is a weird experience. Priorities get arranged when one isn't feeling well, and everything looks different from the flu perspective.
People, places, and just about everything takes on another hue. You're not really in your body. You're floating somewhere above your body in another zone, and this isn't due to drugs because I didn't do any flu drugs. This is due to the plain old flu. The flu takes you to another place.

The flu is Nature's way of re-arranging our lives and making us value and respect our health. Good health becomes Numero Uno when one isn't feeling that good.  And returning to good health becomes the number one goal....all else becomes secondary.

If you're a neat freak like I am, it is a challenge to maintain a neat-freak world when all you want to do is sleep. So once you get well again and grounded back on Earth, suddenly there are many, many things for a neat freak to do.

Luckily for me, there is great joy in the everyday muppet world.  


And if I had a choice, I'll stack towels and fill the dishwasher any day of the week. Anything and everything is better than the flu.

Marketing to Muppets

As an inveterate, impulsive, spendthrift consumer/shopper, I am on the List of Lists. Clever marketers know how to market to a muppet, or at the least, THIS muppet.

And so it is I receive every shopping magazine known to mankind and muppetkind. Everything from survival camping gear to outrageous luxury goods arrives in my mailbox. These magazines are a godsend when I'm sick.

Since I was plopped in bed recently--sick once again--with my box of kleenex, a large mug of hot tea, a glass of Emergen-C and little desire to read anything of substance, I leafed through my stack of recent mailings.

It is very healing to visualize traveling to exotic locations and buying this or that when you're sick. Doing so always makes me feel better.
Of course, I have little need for any of this stuff, but it's fun just to same to imagine.


For instance, I recently saw a photo of Brad Pitt taking his son around in a motorcycle with a sidecar. I thought to myself how cool is that...what a great dad! And then I picked up my latest copy of the Hammacher Schlemmer magazine, and right on the cover is one of these similar fabulous motorcyles, and the Allied Victory Sidecar Motorcycle sells for only $10,000! Such a deal. I LOVE a deal.


Hammacher Schlemmer advertises itself as "American's Longest Running Catalog...Offering the Best, the Only and the Unexpected for 164 years." It's an amazing catalog full of amazing things, some impractical and some quite useful. I lusted for quite a few things in their recent catalog such as the new digital polaroid camera which combines the old with the new. And it's only $299.95!


Speaking of deals, on my To-Do List when I'm feeling better, I plan to read the new e-book, "Life On a Shoestring in Beverly Hills" by Christine Redlin. 

Maybe I can learn a thing or two about shopping. Ya think?

 

Mooki, My Man In Black

As every woman knows when she begins shopping for her "man", the agony of what to buy him begins. 


And so it was for me this past Christmas!


I had decided Mooki (my boyfriend), should have a black leather motorcycle jacket like the one I wear in many photos, but finding one to fit him was not the easiest of tasks.

So eventually I settled on one that was vintage but a bit too large. Then I asked him to pose for me wearing his new jacket and vintage
sunglasses. I was going for the Men In Black look as a joke.


Do you think he pulled the 'look' off?


I think he looks really weird & sexy. That's my Mooki!