Jubileed-Out

So I was forced to attend the Jubilee with all the royals, quasi-royals, wannabe royals, pesky royals, punk royals and lots of other a$$ kissing un royals. 


My hat was carefully placed on my head a la Kate.

I re-used it from my recent showing at the Kentucky Derby because I'm into green recycling. It worked good enough being that it was a cast-off place mat sourced from the Salvation Army. Like I said: GREEN! No shame.


Come into my world. I've got to show you how much fun it is being green & discovering beauty in the commonplace. Screw royals.


By the end of the Diamond Jubilee Concert & two days of waving to fans & foes, I was ready to jet back into the good old usa.

My hat/head had slipped mixing with all those royals and imbibing something with bubbles....something like champagne, but different.
It was when I was backstage with Madness before they performed My House. After that, who knows?!

It's not just beauties that get to be cover girls.

I've been selected to be a cover girl too! Yay!

Below are two I like from the upcoming coveted cover of Punk Patriots Anonymous or PPA for short. Apparently, the founders like to keep themselves somewhat anonymous (ninja style) even though they have a magazine. Go figure!

Yes, but where do you find the magazine? Beats me!

Anyways, I'm very proud to be selected for this cover! Last year it was the very cool dude Kalu Rinpoche. 

It's uncertain which of the many photos from the photo shoot they're going to use for the cover in July. 

Why me you ask? 

My best guess is I fit the profile: I'm a patriotic punk, and really only known in certain circles.  

Let me know which one is your favorite?

Dear Mr. Seacrest

Dear Mr. Seacrest,

Since you are a powerhouse producer of reality television shows, I'd like to suggest a new series featuring my family & me. I feel we'd make entertaining reality tv for children of all ages.

Although we're a relatively obscure bunch of weirdos, our family would bring something fresh, juicy and surreal to the current selection of reality tv offerings. 

If you're looking for what's "new, next and noteworthy in entertainment", we're you're perfect mob of misfits.

Our explosive revelations and raw comedy will redefine reality television. Help us move reality tv to new depths, heights, widths and parallel dimensions.

Thank you for your consideration. 

Best Bumps,


Biker Blond

P.S. We'll contact you via dreams just in case you miss this.









 





 

What a spectacular vacation! It was just what I needed to restore my juice! Let me share a few of the highlights:


1. I wrestled a croc, but this totally adorable croc *sadly* decided it was no match for me and swam away. It's a lot of fun wrestling a croc in mud. Who knew?! The secret is to whisper a very sacred word known only to initiates of the Great Pyramid. Somehow crocs remember this sacred word through their genetics and they become disoriented. I learned this in a book handed down to me from my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great Grandma.
 
2. Mooki & I swam a gadzillion miles a day through brilliant, clear, turquoise Bahamian waters & splashed around with the dolphins. And in the process this fashionista *yours truly* decided turquoise is too fabulous for words and now I only want to wear turquoise EVERYTHING--except for my classic black motorcycle jacket. I'd like to eat & breathe & drink turquoise if such was possible.


3. Mooki & I had so much fun playing practical jokes on people. One joke we played was with our fart book,  "Farts Around The World". 

In this book we read, "Indeed flatulence is one of the great universal languages."

This gave Mooki & me an idea. We would press one of the buttons in this book (ten of them to be exact) which provide loud, expressive farts as we hid under dinner tables. Our favorite ones were "The Pressure Drop" and "The Cloud Splitter". 

Of course, everyone looked at their dinner companions assuming it was one of them letting out a stinker, and then the awkward laughter would begin. I'm telling you, we lightened up a lot of boring dinner tables and brought people together in laugh-fueled camaraderie! They'll never forget that vacation! And neither will we--we laughed more than the price of 10 books! We left for home thinking we were some sort of gods.


And what did YOU do on Spring Break?

Color Me Springtime

Springtime is the season when I grow restless!

Like the seasonal plants I wish to bloom & grow new colors and flowers. My winter face looks too blue and ashen. Ya know?!

I wish to paint the town and colorize my world.

The old seems boring & lame. The new beckons.

Yes, I've had a bad, bad case of SPRING FEVER!!!!!!!

BUT WHAT TO DO?!

At least I know what I absolutely don't wish to do:

1. Get drunk & hurl
2. Meet a new dude
3.  Post on this blog :-0


AND YOU??? What is your ideal Spring Break?








 

 

Going Tribal

Friends & fans: sharing a snap from my latest Fame & Fortune magazine shoot. This editorial is called "Going Tribal" so they decked me out in all sorts of tribal gear I'm guessing. 

Don't I look fierce?! 

On another note, I'm so shaken up by the latest award gifted to me (see comment in earlier post) I don't know what to do but float around the room on champagne bubbles. 

OMG! Now I have to think of others to share this most awesome of awards. But who???

Suggestions Please!





 

 

My Motivational Poster

Friends & Fans: I decided to make my very own motivational poster to express my philosophy of life.

Whaddya think?

And yes, I purposely chose this photo of me to let others know I 'own' my big yellow nose and love & accept it and myself.

Feedback please!